MEET THE RESIDENTS | shadypinestv

Bart "The Fart" Fitzgerald

1921-2017

In memory of Bart Fitzgerald. It would say "In loving memory" but no resident or staff member at Shady Pines liked Bart. In fact do we even want to remember him?

Bart had the largest room in Shady Pines. It was a deluxe suit that had amenities better than anything in the entire facility. After he "fell", Bart threatened to sue Mr. Shawn and Shady Pines. Therefore, Bart was allowed to customized his room. Bart's nickname stems from his stinky attitude.

THE RESIDENTS:

Shady Pines has hundreds and hundreds of residents. However, we don't know the exact number so we decided to highlight a few of the staffs' favorite. Yes, we play favorites here.

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Alvin "The Trouble Maker" Rivers

When Alvin's not hiding Walter's hearing aides or sabotaging bingo games, he can be found stealing Viagra or drinking moonshine. Alvin has been banned from every retirement facility (except Shady Pines), exiled from thirteen senior communities, and not allowed within fifty feet of his daughter's house.

Typically, Alvin is the ring leader behind all of the chaos that occurs at Shady Pines. He is a frequent fire alarm puller, self proclaimed womanizer, prank caller, and has been known to turn people's dentures into customized grillz (without consent).

Ruth and Rich "The Married Couple"

Ruth arrived at Shady Pines, a widower of her semi-beloved fourth husband, looking for love. She set her eyes on Rich, an 82 year old virgin, and fell head over heals in love with him after watching him eat Jello.

They have a great relationship dynamic. Ruth calls the shots and typically speaks on Rich's behalf. The two married at Shady Pines and honeymooned to the local Walmart after. Now, Ruth and Rich share a twin bed, not by choice.

Greta "The Sneaky One"

Slow walking and fast talking is how everyone describes Greta. Upon first glance, Greta looks sweet and shy. However, in reality, Greta is a cussing potty mouth who won't hesitate to hit you with her walker. Greta may look nice but DO NOT let her fool you. She's clever and can manipulate most situations. Greta is a force to be reckoned with and will not let anyone boss her around.

Greta is not fond of the "No swearing at the staff" policy. Throughout the years, Greta has put over $500 in the swear jar.

Joanne "The Hippie" Hendricks

Physically, Joanne is in the twenty first century, but mentally, she's stuck in the sixties reliving her Haight-Ashbury Park days. As a young girl and as an adult, Joanne was a drifter following the winds of life. Today, Joanne wanders the halls of Shady Pines blaring Grateful dead tunes from the boom-box attached to her walker. Her clothes are eccentric and reek of marijuana.

Joanne was married to Jimmy Hendricks for 36 hours in Las Vegas. She decided to keep the last name because Purple Haze is coincidentally her favorite marijuana strain.

Walter "The Gadget Guy" Jones

Walter is "Mr. Technology". Although he doesn't know how to operate a smart phone yet, Walter prides himself in being able to use a beeper and a Walkman. Walter's past is unclear, nobody knows how long he has been at Shady Pines, but nobody has actually asked. The staff, residents, and his family usually avoid conversations with Walter, because he can talk for hours.

He claims he was named after the movie Indiana Jones. However, that is not possible. The movie came out in 1981.

Melvin "The Politically Incorrect One"

It's a mystery how Melvin ended up on the East Coast considering he's from the heart of Texas. As radical conservative, or in other terms, a racist, Melvin makes no effort to hide where he stands on political and social issues. He is well aware that times have changed but simply doesn't care.

Shady Pines staff has consistently removed the confederate flag from his window. Melvin is mean, bitter, and hates when people help him.

Bessie "The Sleepy Head" Mays

Bessie suffers from narcolepsy and snaps between reality and the past. Bessie has lived an incredible life and has the most amazing stories. Unfortunately, we never hear the whole story because she can't get through it without falling asleep. She can literally fall asleep anywhere at anytime of the day. When she wakes she is often very disoriented and thinks everyone looks like her granddaughter.

However, recently, Bessie has been pretending to sleep in order to get out of situations she doesn't want to participate in.